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Today, Google introduced what may be the ultimate implementation of the Knowledge Graph – Google Mom. Using its inherent understanding of our preferences, history and unrecognized talents, Google Mom produces Now cards and search results tailored specifically to us, the users, each unique in our own special ways.

“We’ve traditionally sought to understand people based on search history, geolocation, emails and purchase habits. Now Google Mom takes that mission a step further, replicating the neural networks found in mothers around the world, helping us get to know you better than you know yourselves,” Google engineer April Fuls told attendees at a morning press conference.

“Our old algorithm may know when you were born,” she continued, “But Google Mom? She was there.”

Google is expected to roll out the feature globally over the next few days, but Fuls gave the media a sneak peek this morning.

Queries about weather were met with replies suggesting specific outfits searchers received during the past holiday season, such as “Why don’t you wear the jacket Aunt Linda bought you?”

Attendees saw the feature used in the wild when Fuls’ presentation was interrupted by a reminder about an eligible bachelor in her hometown. “Why don’t you give him a call?” prompted Google Mom, “You got along so well as kids.” A clickable “Call” button promptly followed.

Visibly embarrassed, Fuls’ attempts to close the reminder further displayed Google Mom’s semantic abilities. “I guess you don’t have time for your Google Mom,” read a message on the screen. “I bet Siri’s installed user base doesn’t treat her this way.”

Struggling to get back on track, Fuls demonstrated Google Mom’s integration with Maps. The application now removes listings for restaurants and bars that serve food that’s too spicy or have ever had to call the police for disorderly patrons.

“Google Mom also works to add your own actions to the Knowledge Graph,” Fuls continued. “For example, everyone in my address book now knows that I bought tickets to see One Direction,” she sighed.

Fuls added that Google Mom will soon be joined by Google Dad, slated to answer all queries with a consistent “ask your mother.”

As reporters filed out of the theater, a final message appeared on-screen: “You did your best, and that’s all that matters.”

Gregory Sidor is the Content Lead for Earned Media at The Search Agency. Prior to his arrival in 2014, Gregory worked as a content producer at the L.A. Daily News, Myspace and The Walt Disney Company. He has a passion for smart websites that deliver on their meta descriptions. He also enjoys stand-up comedy, astronomy and exploring Southern California’s beautiful landscape.

1 Comment
  • Matt

    Funny post! My mom says I don’t call her often enough so maybe Google Mom can remind me.

    April 1, 2015 at 3:26 pm Reply
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